The world of Marvel comics is filled with these give/take propositions where you usually have to give up something to get something. Sue Storm has invincibility and forcefield powers, but she’s a woman. Fantastic is a stretchy guy whose intelligence makes it impossible to not come off as a dick.
The Human Torch has amazing powers, but his curse is constantly burning club skanks alive in the middle of the night. The Thing is really strong, but his curse is that he looks like a rock man. Now maybe the Kingpin exists in a world of comic book characters that have freakish powers and also freakish manifestations of said powers. Of these three, which two look most alike? They get to have their (multiple, multiple, frosting-layered) cakes and eat them too (naked on a bed while watching Oz DVDs). I feel like we’re being cheated here a little bit, like Marvel comics knows that by making him not fat, it is therefore okay for the jolly Spider-Man to call him fat without coming off as a bastard who is picking on the fat kid. In one issue alone, I got Tubby, Fatty, and my personal favorite, Chubbins. The other thing is that, because he’s not actually a fatty, Spider-Man and friends get to constantly make fun of him for being a fatty. Daredevil has claimed it, and Spider-Man has corroborated the fact, which is significant because, well, Daredevil can’t see shit, so I wouldn’t put him as my number one when it comes to picking a fatty out of a lineup.īut look at him! In what way does he not look like a big fat bastard? Since when has there been such a thing as a neck roll of muscle? And a double chin, also of muscle? I guess it must be true in the world of the comics. He is, in fact, SO muscular that he just appears to be a tubby bitch.
Every comic I read with the Kingpin in it makes absolutely sure to remind me that the Kingpin is not a big fat bastard.
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